Imagine this.

You’re an online Domme. You get approached by submissive men all the time and it’s not uncommon for them to send you gifts and tribute. That is the nature of online domination. Or maybe you are even a findom who’s livelihood comes from men who enjoy sending money and gifts to dominant women. You do it ethically. The men consent to every transaction. So far so good. They’re happy, you’re taken care of financially.

Along comes a guy who says he wants to be your financial sub. You've got some debts and he says it makes him feel really good to be able to pay those bills for you. He gives you his bank account info and a shot of his debit card and says “let’s pay off those credit cards.” You tell him how much is due on each one and he consents to pay off one at a time. You use the account information he just gave you. The payments go through and you get closer to being debt free!  He even calls up your dentist to prepay for your dental work. He’s making your life easier, as a good financial sub should. All is well.

But then it gets messy. You find out the guy has been lying to you about a lot of things and the next couple of payments bounce. A couple of your credit cards get cancelled for “suspicious activity.”

You walk away from the financial sub. At this point he’s messing with your credit and it’s making your life harder, not easier. And he’s not taking accountability. He feeds you excuses and lies. He obviously thinks you’re stupid.

When you look him up you get a long list of lawsuits that he’s brought against various companies and people. A search of his name throws up a lot of red flags. You decide it’s just not worth it.

You withdraw your attention. That’s when things get weird.

He calls your dentist's office and threatens to sue them for unauthorized use of his card. They contact you. You have a screenshot of him telling you he called and paid for the treatment and an email from the receptionist that says she spoke to him and you’re all paid up.

You call him on it. He says he plans to sue you. You have screenshots of texts of him consenting to use his account. You ask him if he regrets being generous with you. He says he won’t sue you.

Months later when you think it's all behind you and your credit is worse because of the bounced payments and closed accounts. It's annoying but you learned a lesson. Just because a sub does something that makes him vulnerable to demonstrate his trust in you, does not mean YOU  are not vulnerable yourself. Just because a sub is being generous, doesn’t mean he is not scamming you.

You think of scams as being a scammer getting your bank account info and abusing it not giving you his, right?

But here’s the kicker. Months later all those credit card payments get reversed at once, sending some of your accounts over the limit, and getting yet more accounts cancelled. “Unauthorized” is the word the banks use to yank thousands of dollars back from you, leaving you even worse off financially. More debt, suspended accounts. It’s a mess. And worse yet, to the banks, now YOU look like the scammer.

There’s a name for this complex scam. It’s called “friendly fraud.” Someone allows you to use their bank account and then claims they did not authorize it. It’s kind of like someone buying an item and then doing a charge back afterward. Or in the old days like writing checks from accounts that have no money in them and then the checks all bounce after the person has made off with the goods. The criminal gets what they wanted, and the person they were paying gets screwed. There are people who have a professional level understanding of how to create these kinds of scenarios.

I am writing this because this scenario really has happened, and is a very real danger for online Dommes and sex workers and even for everyday women who find a generous online “boyfriend” who they trust is just trying to make their life better by paying a few bills for them.

You can criticize gold diggers all you want. But there's nothing wrong with someone accepting financial help from another person when they need it and even trying to establish a potential relationship with that person be it intimate and personal, or professional. And you also may not like the fact that men enjoy paying findoms as a kink and think badly of women who participate. You might think it's an unfair way to make a living, even if it's consensual. But, men who prey on women who are in debt like this just to get female attention or make a few thousand dollars are just bottom feeders, and women need to be made aware that they exist. They can be very good at getting you to let your guard down. Love bombing is always a bad sign. It’s usually someone trying to shortcircuit your natural defenses, and it’s often very effective.

Online Dommes and professional findoms should be extra aware and make sure you never use someone's bank account info. If he wants to pay your bill, have him send the money to you directly. If your name is not on the account he can do whatever he likes later and put you in a bad situation. And it will hurt you financially and personally and make you feel stupid for not catching on.

Don’t feel bad. You entered the relationship in good faith and you got scammed. There are those out there who are professional scammers and they don't care who they harm. They’ll butter you up, and then turn the tables when you see through the ruse. It's a form of sociopathy and hopefully my message gets to you before one of them makes you his victim.

Have you been a victim of a friendly fraud scam? Send me an email. I’m figuring out ways to fight back.